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Archive for October, 2008

Family

Anonymous writes,

“My brother’s girlfriend is pregnant.
 
But wait folks, that’s not all.
 
They recently moved into my mom’s house (my sister already lives there).  It’s a three bedroom house with 5 adults, 1 toddler, and 3 large dogs.  And they’ll be adding a baby into the mix.  They moved there to start over…and because they were living with her mother who decided my brother was no longer welcome there after the latest break up/make up.  Since he was living with my mom he couldn’t see his son much (they live an hour away) he decided to try again with her so he could be involved with his little guy. 
 
So of course she would end up pregnant now at the worse possible time.  She went for her ultrasound, found out she was “about three months” along and scheduled an abortion for the next day without even telling my brother.  She eventually told him but then headed back to her mother’s house since the appointment was early the next day.  Her mother was all in favor of the abortion and was even going to pay for it.  Because they do not have the approximately $300 for it.
 
He called, sent a long heartfelt email to her begging her not to do it.  She hung up on him and went to her appointment.  There she got as far as getting on the table before she changed her mind and decided not to.  So she’s keeping the baby.  Of course I’d rather she keep it or make an adoption plan than have an abortion.  It’s still hard to deal with though.  Then we hear the bigger reason she was considering abortion.
 
The baby is probably not my brother’s.
 
To say he’s not taking this well would be the understatement of the year.  He had a feeling that may be the case when she was so insistant on abortion.  The likely father is a different race, so it would be kind of obvious.  I don’t know what they are going to do.  If it wasn’t for the kid they already have together, I think it would be over.  I think it would have been over long ago.  But if he goes more than two days without seeing his boy, he gets really depressed.  He loves him so much.
 
So she’s depressed.  He’s depressed.  Everyone is depressed over the whole thing.  Having a baby should be a happy thing, not “oh shit.”  I feel sad for my brother that he hasn’t had the chance to experience that.  And I feel sad that he’s hurting so much right now.  And I feel sorry for myself as I’m still raw from the news that we can’t have any more kids.”

Any thoughts or wisdom to impart?

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Inaugural secret

I have yet to find a way to thank people for participating, or encouraging others to make submissions, without sounding like some sort of gossipy, curtain-twitching old hag.

Regardless, thanks to those who have left comments – the anonymous comments revealing secrets (please see them in the first post), and the others who have posted support (either for this blog in general or to the anonymous commenters). 

I have had but one reveal to post, so thanks to Ms Anonymous for contributing and popping Swallow the Key’s cherry.  She is no longer a virgin, the poor dear.  Er, Swallow the Key, not Ms Anonymous.   Well, she may be, but that is an anonymous post for another time.  So on with the sharing…

“I can’t work for women.  Hell, I can’t even really work WITH women.  I have constantly found that men simply want to get to the top, but women will throw each other from the cliff edge to get to the top.  In my entire career history I’ve only been able to work for one woman with any degree of success (and that’s because she was really fantastic and easy to work for).  I’ve only had one female colleague that I could get along with.  I promote myself as a feminist and a career woman…but I can’t work for women.  I can’t work with women.

Talk about career limiting.”

Anyone else find themselves in this position?    Comments below.

Update:  I had an interesting email from someone related to this topic, so I hope you don’t mind if I add it to this post because I think it is a very interesting view that I struggle with myself.

“Sometimes I worry that women’s individual choices to become stay-at-home mothers makes it harder for women to achieve equality. Several of my classmates from graduate school became stay-at-home moms soon after getting their degrees, and some stopped midway when they had a baby and never finished. As a result, some of the faculty and students felt like those women had “wasted” their educations. Not only for themselves, but in terms of taking up one of the very few spots out of hundreds of applications, and in terms of using fellowship money that could have gone to other students who would have made better use of their degrees.

I have never been in the position of making hiring or admissions decisions, but I am torn between wanting to help women move up in the world and wanting to ensure that the spot will go to someone who will do something valuable with the opportunity. At the same time, from a feminist perspective, I believe that women should be able to choose to do whatever they want, including full-time parenthood.

But still, I am disappointed when my educated friends become stay-at-home mothers.

I”m not proud of myself, but that’s how I feel.”

 

As for submissions, holla at your gatekeeper:  swallowthekeyblog at gmail dot com .

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In the beginning

Here it is.  Send me your grievances, your agonies, your secrets, your annoyances.  It can be anonymous, it can be out there for all the world to see, but in this secret place. 

Comments are enabled, and always wanted.  Submissions should be sent to swallowthekeyblog at gmail dot com .

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